Winter Arrives; Nation Forgets This Happened Last Year Too
It is cold outside because our hemisphere is tilted away from the sun during this portion of its orbit. It did this last year, and I’m willing to bet it will do this again next year. It isn’t news. It isn’t a part of your argument about global warming. It’s just winter. Look, see? There’s already a specific word for it and everything, and we all know what’s going on. To help you avoid the embarassment of being that guy who brings up how cold it is again in your conversations (or Facebook status, or CNN headline), allow me to provide some examples of when it is appropriate to discuss the weather:
“I’m sorry I was late for work, a tornado destroyed my home.”
“That’s the third man I’ve seen struck by lightning on this hole today. Maybe we should play the back nine tomorrow?”
“I passed him two days ago, I think his dogs were frozen together. Now that the Iditarod is over, we should go back for him. He’s probably pretty cold.”
“Please Mr. Scrooge, could I have another lump of coal? The candle’s gone out completely.”
“I am El Nino! All other tropical storms must bow before El Nino! Yo soy El Nino! For those of you who don’t “habla Espanol”, El Nino is Spanish for.. The Nino!”
If you are employed as a weatherman, you get a pass, but cut the small talk. Thank you.